Vacation always goes too fast. I like to be home and with my own things, but I SO miss being with or close to my family. I hate relying on people I'm not related to for rides and help. We've found some great people who love to help, but I always feel bad for imposing on people.
Today, we got back from vacation. We got back to the area we refer to as "The Dead Zone". It's called this for two reasons, it is pretty much the only place in the country that we don't have family a few hours away. This was not intentional. The only reason is because there's virtually no natural plant life or wildlife here. About a 30 mile radius is completely civilized. I never would have imagined that would be something that would bother me. We rode the airport shuttle bus an hour to our town, and then a very kind couple from church picked us up, took Jefe to class, and me home. I had a bunch of things I had to get ready and then bring to Jefe at class. I got those collected and went out to the car, only to find that the car battery was dead. Jefe accidentally left the interior light on the day before we left. But I had this moment of panic. Who do I call? Who could I truly count on to help me? Family is someone you can always count on to go out of their way to make sure you are taken care of, but when you don't any around... We have friends, but everyone has their own lives and I hate to impose. So, I ended up going to get our neighbor who I know is good with cars and he was able to help me and everything worked out fine, but it definitely made me think.
Something I've been struggling with and working on is making God my first resort, instead of my last. In that moment of panic, why didn't I pray for help and guidance? Why did I think first to how lonely a feeling it is to have no one to truly rely on, when I do have someone. Who better to ask for help than God? And why isn't He the one I look to first?
I know this Indiana chapter is to teach me to rely fully on Him, but I can't wait until this lesson is learned to His satisfaction. I apparently love to learn this lesson the hard way.
Jeremiah 29:11-14 has always been a favorite verse of mine, but I found new meaning today as I felt my loneliness for my family as I was getting ready for bed today. Verse 14 says "I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.” Throughout the Bible, people are exiled, either by God or protected by God while in exile. But I never really thought about the lessons learned in exile. Not that Indiana is necessarily exile, there are DEFINITELY worse places to be, but what is exile? It's being kept from the things, places, and people you are accustomed to and love. Being physically separated, cut off, voluntarily or by authoritative decree. Our "exile" is voluntary in a sense, but I do believe we're where we're supposed to be. I think the greatest lesson to be learned is to lean on God for your needs and for comfort, and security.
Sigh, learning is hard.

2-26-11

Not being sick anymore is so wonderful! You never truly appreciate your nose until it doesn't work properly. Oxygen, it's nice to see you again. Or, breathe you, rather.

Trust. I think I'm a trusting person. Too much so sometimes, but not so much this year. I don't trust strangers, I don't trust the dark, and I don't always trust myself. That last one is hard to admit. Confidence is attractive to our society, and confidence is trust in yourself. But what do I trust about myself? I trust that I am capable, I trust that I will come out okay in the end, I trust that I can make good decisions and learn from my mistakes. What don't I trust? I don't trust that I always make the right decisions the first time, which I hear is natural and okay but I have a hard time trusting that I can correct my mistakes. I don't trust that I will be successful in my career, whatever that turns out to be, and I don't trust that I am expressing myself clearly and getting across what I really mean.
And recently I've found that I have a hard time trusting myself to trust God. Not just trusting God, which is a hard thing in itself, but that when I think I'm trusting God to help me, protect me, and guide me, that I'm really actually trusting. That I'm not just saying it in my mind to make myself feel better. If I truly trusted God to keep me safe, would I still check outside my window when I hear a weird noise or get anxious? How do you balance trust in God with using the tools and common sense and self preservation HE gave me? I am trusting more in Him, I know that, but is it enough? If I don't trust completely, will "it" still work?

But, He shows me how trustworthy He is every day. I've been praying for weeks, or maybe months, to find a friend, and I've found one! Of course, having friends always brings up new time and distribution of time problems, but I'm totally up for it! Hurray new friends! Here's looking at you, SS!

I miss my mom. I wish we lived close enough that I could see her once or twice a week, and then go home when we're tired of each other.

I went with Jefe to a group meeting he had for one of his classes today, and there were two guys sitting near us in the student lounge. They were having SUCH a conversation. Somehow, it ranged from how slow computers were in the 90s, the time/space continuum, something about electrons, and, I think, the meaning of life, and the entire conversation was one-sided. Sometimes I wonder how people became who they are and what made them think they are experts on all things. How does someone become that?!!? The best part of that meeting though, was when Jefe and his partner decided not to do the case study about a 14 yr old girl having unbearable body odor, and then Jefe saying that in the other case study, he could see how people would raise a stink about it....

So, I have a mondo cut on the inside of my left index finger(thank you Maverick), and it really hurts to type, so I'm going to stop now. G'night!

I never realized how hard it is to make friends without something like school to help. I usually have a pretty easy time finding friends, but now that I'm not in school or any sort of classes, it is SO hard to meet people to hang out with. I would say that I have a lot of friends, but moving 2000 miles across the country makes it really hard to stay in touch. Thank goodness for Facebook, but that's only helpful to a point. I'm the youngest person at my office, and since I don't have kids, I feel the age gap so much more. And I definitely get along with the people I work with, but since it's such a small office, I don't know that after spending 5 hours with me, they'd really want to go hang out. I was noticing this morning at church how few people our age there are there, at least without kids. Not that I wouldn't want to be friends with someone with kids, it just seems like it makes their lives so much busier, and they have other friends. Since we're so far from family and our other friends, it'd be awesome to have someone to see on the weekends and go places with. So, I guess I'll just continue the search....

I am however, attracting attention that I DON'T want. The apartments we live in have a pond in the north half of our courtyard, so a few months ago, I thought I'd go for a walk around it. The whole courtyard is lined with buildings, so I got about 3/4 of the way around, and a guy came out on his 2nd floor porch. He said hi, so, trying to be neighborly, I said hi back. Then he goes, "Hey girl, I've got some new movies up here, you wanna come up and watch some?". CREEPER!!!!! Who does that?! Yeah, sure, I'd love to come to the apartment of someone I've NEVER MET and watch a movie! How dumb does he think I am!?!?! Unfortunately, that's not the end. I saw him two weeks ago, right after the blizzard, and he ask me AGAIN!! I was just minding my own business, taking my garbage out! This time he's asking if I want to BUY some DVDs or CDs from him. I said no and kept walking, threw my trash out, and then had to walk behind him to get back to my building. And he turns around and says "Hey girl, it's just like Blockbuster..." HA! No, sir, it is not just like Blockbuster. Blockbuster does not come to my sidewalk and ask me if I want to "buy some of dem new CDs".

There is going to be a big change at work coming up. The other office manager just sold her house. She got the offer last Sunday and found out yesterday that they'll be closing this coming weekend! Apparently, a house deal going through that fast is practically unheard of, so we all thought she'd have a few weeks left. But no, her last day is Thursday... So, we're going to be getting someone new to cover her office shifts. I hope Dr Joe and Dr Sarah are able to find someone that will work well! I'm really sad to see Kathi go, but we'll still get to be around her because she's probably going to still do our billing. We got a TON of applications for the position, and it's SUCH a good place to work, so we shouldn't have a problem getting someone good in, it's just hard to think about someone new coming in.

Speaking of the office, I was sitting at my desk on Saturday, Dr Joe was with a patient, and all of a sudden I heard this loud bang, like a gunshot. One of the screws on his table had snapped in half! I'm not entirely sure what the screw actually does (there are so many levers and buttons and knobson them that I can hardly figure out how to raise it up and down!), but Dr Joe figured out how to fix it! I'm glad it wasn't something bad, those tables are SO expensive! They're like $5000!

My cat is so weird.... She's laying next to me on the bed, chewing on a pen and rubbing her face on one of Jefe's textbooks... She's so crazy. Her name is Maverick and she thinks she's human and should get all the privileges that come along with it. She sits on a chair at the table during dinner and eyes our food. And if she tries to get on the table and "loses her chair privileges", she sits in the corner and pouts. Lately, her best friend is a plastic bag. She lays on it all day long. And she's developed a bad habit of trying to be my alarm clock. Not like a normal cat, by sitting on my chest or batting my face, she sits next to me and meows, for hours if she feels it's necessary. Not my favorite way to wake up...

Challenge, Change, Cherish. Oh, and Chiropractic...

    My name is Cyndil, I'm a career procrastinator, and I reach down the back of people's pants for a living.

    My lesson this year is challenge, change, and cherish. Since Jefe and I got married, we've had a rough go. We moved 2,000 miles from home, went through unemployment and overwork-ment, moved another 400 miles, have been challenged financially and in our relationship, and have learned to miss our families quietly.

   And yet, I've seen people go through enormous pain, and I can't help praising God that we're poor and far from home, but intact.

   So, this blog is going to document the challenges, changes, and things to cherish, either just for me, or anyone that happens to read it. I hope it makes you laugh, or at least helps you procrastinate.

  Yesterday, I lost my husband. I was supposed to pick him up after his class, and as I parked the car, I realized my phone was dead. And I had no idea where his class was. And even if I did, I probably still wouldn't be able to find it. Plus, it was almost 8pm, so there weren't many people on campus for me to ask. So, I spent 30mins wandering the campus trying to find 1 white male in jeans and a black sweatshirt. Not easy when that's what at least 30% of students look like... I finally asked three girls standing in a foyer if I could borrow a phone. I never realized how awkward it is to ask that. In this age when everyone has a cell phone, it's absurd to need to use someone else's phone. I felt like a total nerd. Especially because I was freaking out, not knowing what to do if I couldn't find him, and my voice broke when I was asking. LUCKILY, one of them let me. But then, I kept pushing the wrong button when I was dialing and had to keep asking her how to go back.
   Jefe is smarter than me though, because he decided to find the car, and was standing at it when I called him. By the time I got back to the car, all I could think about was that my sweet gesture of buying him a hot cocoa on the way there was ruined because it was probably cold. He still drank it, but I think that was for my sake.

   There was an adorable old woman at Borders today. She was sitting in an armchair, reading a Jewish cookbook, and she kept falling asleep. Hilarious.
   Speaking of Borders, I just read THE BEST book! It's called Pack Up the Moon, by Ann McPartlin. READ IT! And heads up, the back cover made no sense to me, but I bought it because it took place in Ireland and I liked the skirt the girl on the cover was wearing. And it was $5 in the bargain books section. But it turned out to be awesome!!! READ IT!!!!

   Well, I think that's it for tonight, I'm going to go watch a show on pbs.com. Did you know they put all their shows on their website, for free, with no commercials?!?!? It's AMAZING! I'm watching a 6 episode series on the Big Apple Circus and it really makes me want to learn to trapeze and run away with the circus. For reals. I'm so amazed at what people can do with their bodies!!! Oh, and there's no weird stuff, like the bearded lady or people putting sharp things through body parts. If you like the circus, acrobatics, or gymnastics, or just reality tv, you should watch it.

Anyway, bye for now!

"So this is just a heads up on the four key things that my life has taught me thus far.
After night comes day.
After life comes death.
Even at your darkest time look around because you are never really alone.
You are loved."- Pack Up the Moon