2-26-11

Not being sick anymore is so wonderful! You never truly appreciate your nose until it doesn't work properly. Oxygen, it's nice to see you again. Or, breathe you, rather.

Trust. I think I'm a trusting person. Too much so sometimes, but not so much this year. I don't trust strangers, I don't trust the dark, and I don't always trust myself. That last one is hard to admit. Confidence is attractive to our society, and confidence is trust in yourself. But what do I trust about myself? I trust that I am capable, I trust that I will come out okay in the end, I trust that I can make good decisions and learn from my mistakes. What don't I trust? I don't trust that I always make the right decisions the first time, which I hear is natural and okay but I have a hard time trusting that I can correct my mistakes. I don't trust that I will be successful in my career, whatever that turns out to be, and I don't trust that I am expressing myself clearly and getting across what I really mean.
And recently I've found that I have a hard time trusting myself to trust God. Not just trusting God, which is a hard thing in itself, but that when I think I'm trusting God to help me, protect me, and guide me, that I'm really actually trusting. That I'm not just saying it in my mind to make myself feel better. If I truly trusted God to keep me safe, would I still check outside my window when I hear a weird noise or get anxious? How do you balance trust in God with using the tools and common sense and self preservation HE gave me? I am trusting more in Him, I know that, but is it enough? If I don't trust completely, will "it" still work?

But, He shows me how trustworthy He is every day. I've been praying for weeks, or maybe months, to find a friend, and I've found one! Of course, having friends always brings up new time and distribution of time problems, but I'm totally up for it! Hurray new friends! Here's looking at you, SS!

I miss my mom. I wish we lived close enough that I could see her once or twice a week, and then go home when we're tired of each other.

I went with Jefe to a group meeting he had for one of his classes today, and there were two guys sitting near us in the student lounge. They were having SUCH a conversation. Somehow, it ranged from how slow computers were in the 90s, the time/space continuum, something about electrons, and, I think, the meaning of life, and the entire conversation was one-sided. Sometimes I wonder how people became who they are and what made them think they are experts on all things. How does someone become that?!!? The best part of that meeting though, was when Jefe and his partner decided not to do the case study about a 14 yr old girl having unbearable body odor, and then Jefe saying that in the other case study, he could see how people would raise a stink about it....

So, I have a mondo cut on the inside of my left index finger(thank you Maverick), and it really hurts to type, so I'm going to stop now. G'night!